I had to wake up at 9 am to go shopping for lounges. i got back at 1 -.- . such a depressing day to go shopping. let alone for sofa’s and that. i should really get over 131208 but i can’t ? o.o lol mehhs

i’m meant to be studying for maths exam and finishing my science assignment, but i’m really so, very, kinda, maybe lazy.

one thing my life revolves around = quotes

writing in this colour beyond this point is my own opinion

• I think part of the reason why we hold on to something so tight, for so long, is because we fear something so great will never happen again.

• Everyday I get the urge to talk to you, but then I stop myself and remember, if you wanted to talk to me, you would.

• I try to talk to you, but I don’t know what to say. I’m afraid you don’t want me to say anything, so I don’t. But inside of me, there are words waiting to come out and tell you how I feel, like how I miss you, and how I love you despite my broken heart and how I need you in my life, and especially how much I want you. But those words may forever stay in my heart, locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too, but I’ll never know.

• Don’t put off telling someone how you feel about them. Because each day that passes by is another chance for them to meet someone else. i really wish i could ..

• It’s amazing how someone can break your heart, but yet you still love them with every broken piece.

• Love is like a puzzle. When you’re in love, all the pieces fit, but when your heart gets broken, it takes a while to get everything back together.

• I’m not going to stress over you anymore. It isn’t worth it. I tried working something out, but you just ignored it. I’m not trying to say I don’t want you because I definitely do. All I’m saying is I’m done chasing after you… i’ll just sit and wait

i can’t really remember what happened . umm just that i spent 90 mins talking to Immy about random shit LOL . not so much random but yeah ; iloveyou x) haha

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii saw james on the train and we were talking about shit then allan came over lol ; james kept looking at me D: WTF haha ; i don’t think he wanted allan there

anywyas we got off at goodna and saw karl …

laaa ; then laa ; then i saw karl walking at sfx o.o

rofl laa

heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy chilla’s [: . i am feeling very normal today despise what i’m trying postpone ! (my real feelings ) . but yeah ; take advantage of my happiness today

hmms in period 1&2, i had sose and english which was very boring so theres no point writing about that :L . lalalalaaaaaa . Period 3&4 was Japanese and science LOL . Japanese was great like it usually is and science was okay i guess . i was texting in the science lab which has like no reception now and again D: ! . Period 5&6 wasssssssssss enterprise ed and religion . lol enterprise was boringgg ass and religion was soo fun . we were doing assignemtn work on HIV in Africa when we were like … writing a list of all the boys that “belonged” to us . Of course most of the guys that we wrote down were famous cause we’re too pathetic for real boys

reow !

omg this mornings trains were so fecked up , i was like gonna rage casue i got on a whollllle crowded carraige . umm i saw him this morning . i texted him but he didn’t text back LOL ! ? . anyways i was standing with richi, tony and andrew til the train came and when it did , i jumped on the train with andrew casue the others were lameeeee umms . andrew and i jumped on when HE realised we were close to the front enough . so he jumped off and walked to the front and when i noticed he was gone ! ; he was already half way and i was scared to get off LOL ! . about 2 minutes later … andruu-kun texted me

” Wooooops .. you didn’t come . ): “

LOL of course i didn’t go D: you didn’t say it LOUD enough . and he didn’t even look back hahahahaha . anywyas he said he was geting off at darra but i didn’t want to so i went all the way to indro .. laa . i was soo scared cause some really pedo dude had to hold the bar next to me .. eww .

anywyas i saw this BBC guy .. LIKE OMG ! D: . but yeahh hahahhahahahaha . hmms

blah blah blahhh

on the train home after school , i was with rosebie blah blah blahh . slowly, they started getting off one by one as we passed a whoole bunch of  stations until it was only rosebie and i . Andrew came to sit with us and james did also . LOL we had a funny convo but yeah

so that was my day . awesome ? yeah i know . its weird how i’m happy at school

hmms okay, so right now i’m on the net blahh . i took him off my top cause it really hurts to see his face (page) whatever hahaa . and i usually feel the need to go checkc he’s page for girls comments LOL . pathetic ehhs ? i guess i love him that much but okay . enough said . he wont read this anyways

]]> http://xtchannntel.wordpress.com/2009/05/15/150509/feed/ 0 xtchannntel http://xtchannntel.wordpress.com/2009/05/14/back-to-square-1/ http://xtchannntel.wordpress.com/2009/05/14/back-to-square-1/#comments Thu, 14 May 2009 07:32:30 +0000 xtchannntel http://xtchannntel.wordpress.com/?p=37 ]]> okayyyyyy , so its been 1 month and 1 day since i … yes .. and about 1 month since i last blogged . lol sorry , everything that happens at school completely washes itself from my brain when i get home cause i get really depresss as soon as i enter the house .. which brings me back to square one .

so uhhs . yeah i still love him as much as i always did and its killing me sooo bad . he probably wont see this anyways so i can kinda let it all out . we don’t even talk and like OMFG i saw him yesterday which was the 13th meaning it would’ve been our 5 months .. but also it was the 1 month since we broke up .  i know i’m pretty stupid for not being able to let go , but its soooo hard when you love someone that much .

sooo yeahs , i’ve been told that i should move on, and i’ve considered that and kinda have tried but its sooo not working for me . i’m not that strong but alot of my friends dont know that

Sometimes i sit at home and wonder how it’d be if he had loved me, truly loved me yes,

I learned a while ago that kind of thing it never happens for me,

And so I go around and just pretend love is not for me

I play the circus clown around my friends make them laugh
U never let them see u sweat

Don’t want them to think the pain runs deep

So I put on my makeup, put a smile on my face

And if anyone asks me everything is ok

I’m laughing cause no one knows the joke is on me

Cause I’m dying inside with my pride and a smile on my Face
Sometimes I sit at home by the phone hoping he might call me

But he don’t call me

But then I Realize dreams come true aren’t for girls like me, not like me,

And so I go around with my head Up like it aint no thing

And when the boys around with all my friends I’m into other things

Cause you never let them see you sweat don’t want them to think the pain runs deep

Its not easy thing to do

Sometimes it’s hard to face the truth

It’s not the life that I would choose but what else can I do if he doesn’t love me

No if he doesn’t want me I’m not about to sit around let myself go

Tamia – Smile Lyrics

i really don’t have anything to sayyyy nows . i really wish he knew how i felt , but theres been rumours going around about him and he’s “relationship” with another which really hurts (U) . i’m like dying but yeahh . oh wells .

140509 : todayyyyyy in science , we were playing around . Jean, Maggie , Gee and i were measuring eachother’s eye lashes LOL ! . yes i know, i’m very happy at school but when i get home , its a totally different story .

My eyelashes : 1 cm

Gee’s eyelashes : 1.2 cm

Jean’s Eyelashes : 0.7 cm

Maggies eyelashes ( LOL ) : 0.4 cm !

anyhoes ; be back laters with more news about my progress and school shat and shat and more shat . laterrs

Day 1 ;  i had to wake up at 7ish to get reayd and eat breakfast to leave. we left around 9 and was on the  road . it was about 4 hours before we stopped off to eat lunch somewhere o.o blah blah blahh . we watched movies in the car when i was told to turn on the laptop cause they were getting annoyyed LOL . so i was sitting there daydreaming about my boyfrriend ex boyfriend . we got to the hotel (port macquarie) at aroundddddddd 4 pm and my dad fell asleep . i was playing on the net and talking to numerous people cause i missed the net so dearly [: . i got off around 8;30 when i got a text 15-30 minutes later from karl saying he didn’t wanna date anymore . pretty shocked cause i didn’t expect it, i was trying to keep it in cause i didn’t wanna ruin everyone elses roadtrip. Everyone went to sleep around 11 and i began cryingggggggggggg . then fell asleep crying at 2 a.m. but my dad woke up at 3 cause he couldn’t sleep and turned on the t.v … then i woke up cause it was loud but my dad put it on mute . about 20 minutes later ; Arielle texting me randomly telling her how she couldn’t sleep becuase she felt </3 cause her ex boyfriend found another within 2-3 weeks . pretty coincidental innit . i told her that i was also </3 . crying, we told eachother try to get some rest at 4;50 – 5 am and that we’d talk soon . lol i slept til 6 then i woke up earlier then the rest to freshen up so that no one would notice  that i’ve been crying.

Day 2 ; we went to a waterfall which was pretty epic. i saw a house next to a forest that reminded me of edward cullen lol . i didn’t feel like walking the 641 steps to the bottom of the water fall so i waited in the car thinking . after we went to the beach and to a lookout . i sat in the car the whole time . i didn’t really participate in anything that day. the day wasn’t any better than the last night cause it was the day i had to tell my close friends about what happened . i kinda just left it at telling my bestfriends than all my friends x) . they can just find out . but yeah i sent the text to about 7 people because i had no internet access . one after the other , i got messages back and a few calls which i rejected cause i would completely lose it if i talked about it . i was tearing for the whole day until my mum asked me what she could do to make me feel better . i hadn’t noticed that she’d known about me being down all day . i had to lie about the reason but i was able to cry freely on my mums shoulder . to cheear me up, my mum gave me her wedding and engagement ring to wear . we got to sydney at about 8pm where there was a party so i was kinda embarrrassed that everyone had noticed i’d been crying lol .

Day 3 ; i felt better but still felt the need to cry . lol ; we went to the blue mountains . i actually did soem stuff LOL . but i was still thinking about it and tearing . kinda weird . we left the blue mountains at around 10 and headed towards canberra. sitting and thinking the whole way, i put on some pretty depressing music lol . e.g. Haru Haru – big bang (if you’ve seen the vid) and some stupid love songs that i had once showed him ==’ . there was a dust/ sand storm around canberra and sydney which was annoying lollll . we got there around 5 pm and stayed at someones house where i met -  (Cause i don’t remember meeting them before LOL… but apparently i have :L ) – Anthony and Catherine . although its effin’ freezing down there, Catherine took us out that night to get ice cream

Day 4 ; erhh i don’t remember day 4 o.o OH except we were back in sydney where i was putting toothpaste on my tooth brush in the bedroom when cameron lay down and put his feet in my direction . i squirted toothpaste onto his foot to which he responded by rubbing it in as mistaking it for body lotion ! LOLOLOL .

Day 5 ; leaving to coffs harbour . blah blah blah can’t remember lol . it was a boring trip anywya lol . i just sat and thought and watched gay movies in the car . I was on msn at the hotel and was explaining to everyone about what had happened to “131208″ to which i responded with ‘ </3 ‘

Day 6 ; on the way back to brisbane . boring and boring and super boring . Did i mention boring ?! . we got back at round 3 and went shopping LOL ! .

my first words when we got back :               Lets go shopping yeah ?

Camerons first words when we got back :  I feel like ice cream . lets go to maccas

Mummys first words when we got bacl :     lets go shopping

daddys first words when we got back :        Home sweet home o.o

never regret something that once made you smile</3

Todaaaaaaaaaaaaaarhs i went to my brothers uni ' The University of Queensland, st lucia' lol its so biggggg x) . and yeah we ended up going to indro after . lol we went into0 harvey norman for .. stuff and i went to check out the straighteners cause i wanttttt a new one ! . but yahh there were no GHD ones . i was texting karl and lol he told me to try this other shop near harvey norman x) . BAHA but yeah .. no luck. We went to gloria jeans after . yummyyyyyyyy , andddd also bought sushi . !

i was texting in the car and when i gotttt home ; i was webcamming celina ! ;D

Chantel and Celina's Webcamming time

hhaahahaha i love her soo much . she makes me happy x) ahhahahaha . karl thinks she’s having an orgasm ! .

i was really bored todayyyy after a while . that s why i’m doing this blogg . hahaa

OH OH OHHHH ! on friday , it was awesomely awesomeee . Celina and i had a golden gaytime and took the most ultimate piccc everrr its beautiful !

Gotta love those Gaytime Moments

CIAO CIAOOOO . omg dentist tomorrow

so anyways i was told right as the bell went for homeroom. i started crying on the way day, during homeroom, during first period and abit into second. it was then jean, maggie and brigida decided to cheear me up and talked about random shit . my day got brighter; iwas a little happier til morning tea happened when they weren’t there anymore and i began to think about it again. morning tea went past pretty fast. i was just sitting and eating and thinking.

luckily pr 3 and 4 were with jean, mags and brigida so my mind was taken off it. we were laughing like crazy til lunch where the same happened as morning tea. i started getting depressed again but tried to hide it by being a little more social. it just so happens that my friends already noticed i was down and started texting me asking what was wrong ? o.o ! text ? like honestly.

5 and 6 period was fucked up because i wasn’t with the whole ‘methane’ group. but i was with jean who took my mind off some shit. but it was an assignment lesson so we didn’t really talk much . i was kinda distracted and only got about 1 question filled on my assignment . its due tomorrow .

time for homeroom. so i walked in when everyone was like ‘ OMG CHANTEL ! ; WHAT WAS WRONG THIS MORNING ? D: ‘ i told them and they started getting soft on me . gahhd .

i was walking to the train station was celina and jasmin and we were talking about why i was so depressed . it was fucked up . we went to get gloria jeans because of my ‘depression’ or it was probably just an excuse . we just made the train .

today was so bad , that i don’t even wanna think it . but this is for everyone that wants to know what happened todya .

ciaoooo . hopefully tomorrow will be better .

Hi lol today i had double science which went by pretty easily; rofl ? but we did an experiment which we stuffed up soooo bad . LOL Jean ! ; It was really intense when Jean was pouring the hydrochloric acid thing into the other chemical thing o.o . it was Intense enough that she spilt half of it x) ROFLMAO. Maggie told us a story how she was doing something (working vedyy hard with her mum) .. COOKING and the flour was mixed with water. and After she had all the white wateryyy shit dripping down her legs ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL . !

Then the bell rang and we had morning tea . hahahaa it went really fast so nothing happened .

I had RE and Pastoral Care with Damien (house) and the house co-ordinator, Sernia. Who is soo boringgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg zzzzZ . ! . Its basically a double lesson x) . Maggie + Jean kept getting distracted cause they talk ‘boys’ alot and yeah ROFL . drooling their heads offfff aye . then we started talking about cameltoes ! THE FECK . Then we were talking about circumsizing again … jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees . LOL ! . oh and cum oO ; I learnt that girls can circumsize too ? apparently x) and i was like HOLY SHIT HOW ?! then Jean explained that they cut off parts of the she-penis x) BAHAHAH

We all started paying attention when Sernia was explaining what our exam was about . and told us that no one would get married during lent back then ; so maggie had to be dirty about it ! and say ‘ are you allowed to have sex during lent ? *interesting face ‘ . lol Gahhhhd . I turned around and flashed a little, UNINTENTIONALLY !! And Maggie seemed to be looking at my Sacred FUCKIN’ sanctuary ! .

In Pastoral care, we had to write ‘ A good friend is …’  .

My Book :          A Good friend is someone that doesn’t look at your sacred sanctuary !

Maggies Book :             A good friend is someone letting you look at their sacred sanctuary !

WTF ! ; LOL we have an awesome RE class . I had a whole list to write about but i kinda forgot now but it was effin’ funny ! D:

The bell went for lunch and Maggie + I were walking from One side of the school to the other when Celina comes up behind me and Slaps the FUCK outtah my ass ! D: i think i have a bruise now . I waited for Maggie while Celina went to her locker ; i was trying to avoid Celina cause my ass hurted x) . but i got her back when we was waiting for Tram + Cass . MWAHAHHAAAAA . but she got me back again + so my ass hurts .

Pr 5 + 6 went really fast . I had Double Enterprise + me and Diem were ‘ renting a house’ for our assignment ROFL . excluded Celina cause my butt stilll hurted :L BAHAHAHaa ; then i felt sorry for her but the bell went for home room BAHAHA .

I LOVE YOU CELINAAAAA <3

We went out for Dinner as you know if you read my last blog post it was really kinda epic ! . My dad was drinking red wine; and i smelt it (A) . it smelt so gross i could’ve vomitted up my breakfast (cause i didn’t eat lunch) but yeah anyhoes .

for dinner we had pork in batter with rice gahhd . The pork was in the shape of balls x) LOL the weirdest convo with my 8 yr old cousin occured !

Ella: Chantel i’m hungry

Me : ohh what are you hungry for ?

Ella: balls
Me+Claire : BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAA !!

cool huh ? i love them x) . I would put pictures on but today i also lost my memory card . Chuong called me after dinner; he was really depressed because the girl he liked has a boyfriend . awww  !

My personal message : Cheeeeeeer up Chuonggg, faggit

Chuongs  personal Message : Shut up chantel ! kill me already, betch

Honestly i feel bad for him awwww its so sad; he’s usually so happy.

anyways when i got home; i went on the net x) and talked to karl and told him I had a daughter ! x) MWAAHHAHAHA ; this is how the convo went x)

-     chantel♥karl .  : )♫      Inhale some Methane says:
what are you doing ?
-                  ✖ . kChuuuu says:
nothingg
-     chantel♥karl .  : )♫      Inhale some Methane says:
:L fairr enough
-                  ✖ . kChuuuu says:
uu ? x)
-     chantel♥karl .  : )♫      Inhale some Methane says:
phone with celina x)
btw she’s my daughter
-                  ✖ . kChuuuu says:
O_o
cool
whos the father 
-     chantel♥karl .  : )♫      Inhale some Methane says:
guess
-                  ✖ . kChuuuu says:
mmmmmmmmmmmm
-     chantel♥karl .  : )♫      Inhale some Methane says:
sperm donation !
-                  ✖ . kChuuuu says:
LOL
WTF-     chantel♥karl .  : )♫      Inhale some Methane says:
kidding ! x)
you are 
if you want to be
-                  ✖ . kChuuuu says:
Lmfao!
-     chantel♥karl .  : )♫      Inhale some Methane says:
is that a no ? :L
-                  ✖ . kChuuuu says:
i dont mind (H)  im the father of many children
JOKES
LMAOLMAO-     chantel♥karl .  : )♫      Inhale some Methane says:
Celina on phone : tell him i said hi dad
:O:O:O
KARLLL
-                  ✖ . kChuuuu says:
HHHAAH HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAA
-                  ✖ . kChuuuu says:
oo
does she want a brother or sister
-     chantel♥karl .  : )♫      Inhale some Methane says:
Celina on phone : YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
me: do you get what he means ? :L
Celina on phone : ohh ! HEOL NOOO
-                  ✖ . kChuuuu says:
LOL
twins then
LOL
AH HHA
twice the work

ETCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC. the feck right ? :L

hahaaaaaaaaaaaa . bye now

I really should’ve been assignmenting today, but i couldn’t be stuffed . but yeah i was off to my uncles house which was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo boring, i could’ve cried and let the tears drop on everyones fried rice and create fried rice soup . delicious . i didn’t end up eating yay so i texted karl with my mums phone for no apparent reason x)

after i went to Orion, woolworths ! it was great . i got cake, credit, milk, PADS AND TAMPONS nawwwt *shifty eyes . We also bought eggs .. DID I SAY CAKE ? x) then yeah ; . my mummy said we’re going out for dinner .. why are we so fat ?

When i got home, i got on the net and started talking to Karl <3 HAH . He wanted to meet + shit, i would’ve if i wasn’t so afraid of getting caught . After a while Cameron + Karl went somewhereeeeeeeeee :O and then came to my house . lol Karl was waiting outside and i was spying on him x) . BAHAHAAA I was going to go outside when cameron came in for a minute ; so i ran upstairs to check how long cameron would be x) . and he’s like ‘ go out and see him’ . we walked to my mums room (who’s window faces the road) and looked out to see if Karl was still there . BUT MY DAD HAD TO FUCKIN’ PULL IN ! and he started talking to karl . they had a bit of a laugh from what i saw. then i ran downstairs and looked out the window and HE WAS GONE . Karl was back home + I asked him what my dad said .

-     chantel♥karl .  : )♫      Inhale some Methane says:
what did my dad say to you o.o
✖ k.chuuuuuuuuch says:
LOL
hes like
heyy u waiting for cameorn
come in
HAHAHHA
i said mmm nah its ok
XD
-     chantel♥karl .  : )♫      Inhale some Methane says:
OMG YOU SHOULD’VE ! :L
LOL
✖ k.chuuuuuuuuch says:
NAHH LOL
SO SUS

so yeah . what a sad day . Heart breaking innit ? x)

hahaaa wells yeahhh

i miss my boyfriend </3